Closer Than They Appear

reflections from life as a dad

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Episode Three: Fly By Nursing

Do yourself a favor. When you are up in the middle of the night, with your new baby crying because he wants to eat, even though he just ate 90 minutes ago, and two hours before that, and you’re at the peak of sleep-deprived frustration, do not go on the internet. Do not go on the internet to google phrases like “4 month old up every 2 hours at night” because you will find your way to discussion boards, hosted at websites like and, and you will read the comments on these discussion boards, and you will want to kill someone.

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Here it is, the notorious “fly by nursing” gif. Feel free to save it for use later.


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Episode Two: Nostalgia

My favorite time of day is the morning. It’s been this way for a while. I like to be up before everyone else is. Not that I actually enjoy waking up, because no one likes that, but when I can coax myself out of bed, I love to observe the stillness of a world that is otherwise bustling the rest of the day.

Now I have new reasons to love the morning. I wake up to the gentle cooing of our son, who is wedged between me and my wife in our bed. We tend to bring him to bed some time in the wee hours of the night, and while I’m vaguely aware of that happening when it does, it’s not until morning that I really appreciate that he’s there.

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Episode One: What Do You Do?

I got pooped on this morning.

Our son was wide awake. In the middle of the night, he’s not happy to be awake. But when the morning finally comes, he greets the day with a big smile and the unpredictable arm thrashing that is characteristic of babies his age. My wife was still asleep, resting before her day at the office. So I scooped him up, shuttled him to the nearby changing pad, and checked to see what the morning had in store.

He seems to really like being on the changing pad. I put on soft music, and we make eye contact and both laugh as I unsnap the many buttons on his clothes. And then I delicately peel open the soggy diaper. For that brief, revelatory second, we typically stop our banter. I’m focused, caught up in the examination, and he seems aware that I need to pay attention. But this morning, during that moment–during that fragile, delicate moment–my son pooped.

Listen to the full episode by clicking play.



Welcome to Closer Than They Appear, a podcast created by Mark Lukach about his life as an at-home dad. The podcast features original essays about his varied experience as a dad to a young son.

Here’s what you should know about the show:

  • The first episode will be released on Thursday, September 27.
  • There will be a new episode each week. At least, that’s the hope.
  • Each episode will be somewhere between 5 and 10 minutes.
  • Once the show is live, you can subscribe to it through iTunes.
  • If you want to learn more, go check out the About and FAQ sections.

See you real soon.